This week is induction week but the real lectures have begun. I knew this one was coming and very aware that its a barrier to my engagement with the course. But before now I had decided to face it head on.
Resuscitation.
Those who know our story or who have seen my Ted Talk know that I have had to begin resuscitation on my son twice. One due to a seizure and choking, and one due to cardiac. I am not going into details but instinct took over and emotions came after. And they did hit, like a brick wall. But my son (with a resilience most adults couldn't sustain) bounced back with life, so I followed his lead. But that stomach sick feeling I had for days after at what could have been does come back to bite me on the bum. I had assumed it was due to muscle memory when partaking in first aid courses, but due to covid, this lecture is online. Boom. That sickly feeling returned.
Usually writing helps my brain process it, hence this blog.
As the lecture proceeded, I found myself drifting and looking at the numerous photos I have of my son on the wall behind my computer. Many of them wouldn't exist if he hadn't fought to stay on earth. He is incredible.
But now I need to compartmentalise what happened so it doesn't bite me on the bum in my learning and in my career. Whilst in the lecture I spoke to my cohort peers and gained support and lovely messages. I need to reflect and in doing that I don't think there is anything I could have done different in preparation for this lecture. I am actively recognising my anxiety around it and will seek support from the channels in the university if and where needed.
But my message as always is everyone educate yourself on CPR as instinct takes over. My son wouldn't be here if I hadn't.
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